Mom

With all the hoopla about this blizzard, the dates have become blurred. But as I stop to ponder, I realize it's been 10 years today since my mother passed. In some ways, 10 years is such a short time: a snap of the fingers, a few extra pounds. But it's also a lifetime, almost 2 in fact; my sons have no memories of Nana, except a few pictures with baby Jacob. That breaks my heart. Mom loved being a Nana to my 2 oldest nephews. She embraced that role just as she did that of mother.

My memories of her are filled with love, humor, and wisdom. When I failed a test, the first one, in college, she came and took me out for ice cream. When my first marriage failed, she held me while I cried, then helped me pack. She would give any of us the shirt (or shoes) she was wearing if we liked them, and tell us how good they looked on us. She was the ultimate Christmas elf, but had trouble keeping a secret when she found us the perfect gift. "I got one of your gifts today. Do you want to know what it is?" She loved having us all together and creating memories and traditions. In many ways, she lived life through the eyes of a child, with the wisdom of an elder.


Now that I'm a mother, I strive to be the kind of mom she was: understanding, funny, and wise. It sure isn't easy, and that's what I hope she knows: that I know how challenging that role can be. That's when I miss her most: when one of the boys does something funny, or awful, and I need her laughter or advice. Then I just have to ask myself what she might say or do, and go from there. I just wish I could still ask her in person. I miss you Mom. And I love you.