Endings and Beginnings

The rain today is making me restless and contemplative.

Tis the season for endings. I realized that the last 43 years of my life! have been comprised of the same ending, that being the end of a school year. With that comes the rest, reprieve, and reflection that summer brings, to the extent that one with 2 school-age kids can rest. You'd think after all these years of practice that I would be used to it, good at it even, the inevitable ending. Yet I am not.

Don't get me wrong; by this point I am ready for that respite from the routine and don't envy those whose jobs go 12 months. The end of the school year has most often been marked by a sigh of relief. It also makes way for those beginnings.

For me, it is simply the start of a rest and recharge, just to do it all again. But I got to thinking about those in my life who are ending high school (my nephew and godson) and the beginnings they are looking forward to with great anticipation. The ending is a bittersweet one for them and their parents. The beginning is a bit unknown, which adds to the excitement. It's filled with boundless possibilities for growth, adventure, and enrichment. I guess in some ways I am feeling nostalgic about that time in my life, for that sense of adventure, of possibilities. Ah, the joys of mid-life.

Then, too, I am thinking of my own son, moving from elementary to middle school. Memories of those years are vague, but filled mostly with angst, the feeling of trying to "fit in" and the beginnings of real, and often overblown, emotions. Brings a shudder, and yet...It is a beginning for him, a chance to find his other interests and place in them all. Don't envy him, but I like the excitement that comes with that beginning.

I got to thinking, too, about a good friend who recently broke up with her beau and is now dating again. While that idea is somewhat exhausting to me, (not that I'm in the market) the possibilities are, for her, filled with opportunites for fun, reflection, and adventure. Yes, there are also opportunites for heartache. But she knows the risks and is willing to take them. Kudos to her for that.

Which leads me to wondering...can you have beginnings without endings? I'm just not sure. I guess though I should embrace each year's ending as a way to lead to a new beginning. It sounds like a good place to start.

Angst, Anger, Aging, and Attitude

I realized today that I'm a little bit ticked off. Ok, maybe more than a little bit. I've always thought of myself as young, optimistic, and energetic. The truth is that I'm not any of those things anymore, at least not as much as I'd like to think. In this past week, 2 people who are dear to me have had to face health issues. One is being resolved as I write, thankfully, and the other is a chronic health condition that needs monitoring. Ok, I say, at least it's not the BIG C (sounds optimistic, right?) and it's something that's treatable. The thing is, since it's not my health issue, there's only so much I can do about it. Thus the angst. What I can do is be supportive without nagging and hope that support in turn creates more positive action. But that is SO difficult for me, the waiting, watching. I'm an action kinda gal: there's a problem, how can I fix it? Is it inevitable as we age to have to face these issues? Of course it is, and so there's the anger. Isn't life supposed to get a bit easier, less stressful as we age, look towards becoming the big 5-or6-0??

No, really, shouldn't it?

Or maybe, it's our attitude that makes it seem easier to take. Or rather than easier, perhaps just more tolerable, the perspective we see things from at this point, hopefully that of appreciation and some faith. A wise person told me recently that they are learing to live by appreciating what they have, not the material things, but relationships, seeing the glass as half full. It's not always easy, but it is possible. So I've decided to channel that anger and angst into action, at least for myself in terms of taking care of the things that I have power over and letting the rest go, as much as I can. I'm writing it down, in case I forget.

So there, I feel a little less ticked off, a little more optimistic, and well, 2 out 3 ain't bad, right?