My son had a friend over to play the other day. He was sweet and very polite, and quite enjoyable to have around. I got the opportunity to spend time with his mom today and told her as much. As I pondered his manners and sweet nature, and watched her parent, I was struck by something. She is a great role model so no wonder he's that way! I'm sure they have their moments, but overall, he seems like someone enjoyable to be around.
Parenting is the hardest thing I'll ever do. It has its highs, its lows, its joys, and its tedium. One of the hardest things about parenting is how we see ourselves reflected in our children. I don't just mean the brown eyes and hair, round face or square jaw. I mean those traits of ours that we really don't want shared with the general public, but somehow get mirrored in our children's behavior. In a perfect world, I would be patient and kind at all times with all people. I would use my manners every time and never snap at my children, or anyone for that matter.
Alas parents, myself included, are anything but perfect. And neither are my children. Of this I am highly aware. And that's as it should be. There are times, though, when I find myself wincing at something they've said, or the tone of voice they've used and wondered where it came from. The other day I asked them after such an incident. The response was brutally honest: "You do it, Mom." I was mortified. I think in many ways I was unaware of this behavior of mine, and so I apologized. I also told them that if, or more likely when, I did it again, I would really like them to point it out to me. (nicely, please. I can only take so much!) I also explained that what we all had done wasn't very nice, and that we could all work on it. At this point, it's what I can do about it; be more aware and try to lead by example. As a wise friend told me, we are ALL a work in progress. So while we are progressing, I'm trying to be more positive.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Summer: Fun??
So we've reached, or maybe passed, that midpoint of the summer. The trips are over, the baseball is over, now it's time to embrace the "lazy days" of summer. This is a tricky thing with 2 energetic children. My idea of lazy is sleeping in, reading, lingering over a cup of coffee, and then more reading. Ok, a few house chores maybe like laundry and emptying the dishwasher. But then it's back to reading or surfing the 'net.
My children have a similar idea which goes something like this: sleep in, watch tv, ask mom to make them some breakfast, watch more tv, play on the computer, ask mom to make them some lunch...well you get the idea. {Here is the disclaimer part: They normally watch very little tv, so it's a treat fo them. And yes, they do also read, one more willingly than the other } On some days when the weather isn't around 9,000 degrees, they will go outside. For awhile. Til they start to fight with each other. Then one comes in and starts to complain about the other. Is it time for school to start yet????
It's that ansty feeling of what to do, knowing full well there are plenty of things to do, just no motivation to do them. You know, organize the pantry, clean out those closets, that type of fun stuff. But really, with all this time we have, why do today what we can put off until tomorrow, right?
So what I've discovered these days is that it is better to have a plan for the day. Something for us all to look forward to. Somewhere either wet or air-conditioned for us to have fun. The free bowling has been a big hit and we have plans to visit a friend's pool tomorrow. So instead of thinking of all those things that need to get done (think closets) we need to think of all those things we want to do with the days of summer we have left. That way we can say we had lots of summer fun.
My children have a similar idea which goes something like this: sleep in, watch tv, ask mom to make them some breakfast, watch more tv, play on the computer, ask mom to make them some lunch...well you get the idea. {Here is the disclaimer part: They normally watch very little tv, so it's a treat fo them. And yes, they do also read, one more willingly than the other } On some days when the weather isn't around 9,000 degrees, they will go outside. For awhile. Til they start to fight with each other. Then one comes in and starts to complain about the other. Is it time for school to start yet????
It's that ansty feeling of what to do, knowing full well there are plenty of things to do, just no motivation to do them. You know, organize the pantry, clean out those closets, that type of fun stuff. But really, with all this time we have, why do today what we can put off until tomorrow, right?
So what I've discovered these days is that it is better to have a plan for the day. Something for us all to look forward to. Somewhere either wet or air-conditioned for us to have fun. The free bowling has been a big hit and we have plans to visit a friend's pool tomorrow. So instead of thinking of all those things that need to get done (think closets) we need to think of all those things we want to do with the days of summer we have left. That way we can say we had lots of summer fun.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Communication Skills 101
I don't claim to be an expert here, but I got to thinking about how to have a good conversation. Here are a few basic pointers if you are speaking and want others to listen.
1. Be in the same room and look them in the eye.
2. Use their name.
3. If you are answering a question, do it. Don't talk all around the issue, or try to be overly "clever" by using the same words that you've used and you still aren't being understood. Bottom line is that you still haven't answered the question.
4. Answer the question. Seems redundant, but it isn't. Perhaps you have no answer currently. The best response then would be something like: "Good question. I'd like to think about it" or "I've asked myself that same question". But then, please, after you've thought about it, answer the darn question!!
5. "I don't know" is not really an answer. Most times anyway.
This comes about because I've been in situations too often recently where a person can't seem to do any of these and I can't understand why. Not using any of the above ideas puts me on the defensive, which is not a good way to have a conversation, especially about important topics. And one last thing: just say what you mean to say.(Thank you , John Mayer) Sure you can put it nicely, but don't use the whole "I'm fine" nonsense when you are not. That's just not really even communicating.
1. Be in the same room and look them in the eye.
2. Use their name.
3. If you are answering a question, do it. Don't talk all around the issue, or try to be overly "clever" by using the same words that you've used and you still aren't being understood. Bottom line is that you still haven't answered the question.
4. Answer the question. Seems redundant, but it isn't. Perhaps you have no answer currently. The best response then would be something like: "Good question. I'd like to think about it" or "I've asked myself that same question". But then, please, after you've thought about it, answer the darn question!!
5. "I don't know" is not really an answer. Most times anyway.
This comes about because I've been in situations too often recently where a person can't seem to do any of these and I can't understand why. Not using any of the above ideas puts me on the defensive, which is not a good way to have a conversation, especially about important topics. And one last thing: just say what you mean to say.(Thank you , John Mayer) Sure you can put it nicely, but don't use the whole "I'm fine" nonsense when you are not. That's just not really even communicating.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Bits and Pieces
I had the opportunity to get together with friends yesterday. We talked about books and writing and books about writing. And then, our hostess brought out art supplies. You have to understand, just those words bring an immediate knot to my stomach. "Art" has never been my thing. But, with encouragement, I persevered.
My collage was a tribute to my girly-ness. Yes, I'm a fluffy girl surrounded by testosterone in my home. So in some ways I was staking my claim amidst the bats, balls, cleats, and various accouterments of the sporting world that have invaded my home.
Just as the parts of the collage, I also got to thinking about the bits and pieces that make up who we are. Some are more obvious than others: teacher, mother, wife. Others, perhaps, less so: poet, reader, artist, musician. Maybe it's part of being a woman, or for that matter, a human, that parts of ourselves get pushed into the shadows while we tend to the most pressing needs of ourselves and others. There comes a time though, when those bits and pieces in the shadows are asking, begging, screaming, to come into the light of day to share with others, or at least with ourselves. So we need to be true to that, to ourselves, and hear, really listen, to what they are telling us. Stop asking for permission and then, go for it.
I'm already envisioning my next collage. More bits and pieces of me....
My collage was a tribute to my girly-ness. Yes, I'm a fluffy girl surrounded by testosterone in my home. So in some ways I was staking my claim amidst the bats, balls, cleats, and various accouterments of the sporting world that have invaded my home.
Just as the parts of the collage, I also got to thinking about the bits and pieces that make up who we are. Some are more obvious than others: teacher, mother, wife. Others, perhaps, less so: poet, reader, artist, musician. Maybe it's part of being a woman, or for that matter, a human, that parts of ourselves get pushed into the shadows while we tend to the most pressing needs of ourselves and others. There comes a time though, when those bits and pieces in the shadows are asking, begging, screaming, to come into the light of day to share with others, or at least with ourselves. So we need to be true to that, to ourselves, and hear, really listen, to what they are telling us. Stop asking for permission and then, go for it.
I'm already envisioning my next collage. More bits and pieces of me....
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