My son had a friend over to play the other day. He was sweet and very polite, and quite enjoyable to have around. I got the opportunity to spend time with his mom today and told her as much. As I pondered his manners and sweet nature, and watched her parent, I was struck by something. She is a great role model so no wonder he's that way! I'm sure they have their moments, but overall, he seems like someone enjoyable to be around.
Parenting is the hardest thing I'll ever do. It has its highs, its lows, its joys, and its tedium. One of the hardest things about parenting is how we see ourselves reflected in our children. I don't just mean the brown eyes and hair, round face or square jaw. I mean those traits of ours that we really don't want shared with the general public, but somehow get mirrored in our children's behavior. In a perfect world, I would be patient and kind at all times with all people. I would use my manners every time and never snap at my children, or anyone for that matter.
Alas parents, myself included, are anything but perfect. And neither are my children. Of this I am highly aware. And that's as it should be. There are times, though, when I find myself wincing at something they've said, or the tone of voice they've used and wondered where it came from. The other day I asked them after such an incident. The response was brutally honest: "You do it, Mom." I was mortified. I think in many ways I was unaware of this behavior of mine, and so I apologized. I also told them that if, or more likely when, I did it again, I would really like them to point it out to me. (nicely, please. I can only take so much!) I also explained that what we all had done wasn't very nice, and that we could all work on it. At this point, it's what I can do about it; be more aware and try to lead by example. As a wise friend told me, we are ALL a work in progress. So while we are progressing, I'm trying to be more positive.
Ah, in a perfect world… I think the plight of parents is that no matter what you do, something is bound to go wrong. So, the objective is to raise children with the best of your parts, the best manners, the best education, the best…everything. But that must be so much pressure and any parent would crack, and I think, most do. So, you’re right no one is perfect-no parent, no child-nor should they be. That is a huge statement and it’s really cool that you have a heightened awareness of this, and won’t be subjecting your children (or yourself) to the pressures of perfection. To be able to hear “you do it, mom” and then be able to calmly ask that they point it out is something to be celebrated. Not often can we take criticism, even if it is constructive. So the fact that you are putting yourself in that vulnerable place is to be applauded. Go you! :)
ReplyDelete