I don't claim to be an expert here, but I got to thinking about how to have a good conversation. Here are a few basic pointers if you are speaking and want others to listen.
1. Be in the same room and look them in the eye.
2. Use their name.
3. If you are answering a question, do it. Don't talk all around the issue, or try to be overly "clever" by using the same words that you've used and you still aren't being understood. Bottom line is that you still haven't answered the question.
4. Answer the question. Seems redundant, but it isn't. Perhaps you have no answer currently. The best response then would be something like: "Good question. I'd like to think about it" or "I've asked myself that same question". But then, please, after you've thought about it, answer the darn question!!
5. "I don't know" is not really an answer. Most times anyway.
This comes about because I've been in situations too often recently where a person can't seem to do any of these and I can't understand why. Not using any of the above ideas puts me on the defensive, which is not a good way to have a conversation, especially about important topics. And one last thing: just say what you mean to say.(Thank you , John Mayer) Sure you can put it nicely, but don't use the whole "I'm fine" nonsense when you are not. That's just not really even communicating.
I hear you on this. Unfortunately, I have been the perpetrator (sp?) at times-very guilty of this, but like to think that most of the time, I don't commit senseless acts of bad manners. I won't make excuses for people, because bad manners aren't an excuse. Not 'knowing any better' is passable until you are about 18, I think. But that is pushing the limits. The secret to life (according to me and what I got from The Shack) is that life, love, and 'god' is found in the relationships that you spend time cultivating and nurturing. So, while others haven't caught on to this theory, they continue living their lives in a shell (or shelfishly?) and cannot step outside themselves to take time for another. So while you are 'Waiting for the World to Change' (ala John Mayer), know that there are people out there who do listen (unless they have a moment of weakness or selfishness that is atypical of their personality) and do care, and CAN have conversations that revolve around anything other than themselves. But...it still doesn't change those people who can not and do not recognize this as a flaw in their personality. I hope that for your sake, these people (or this person) will value you enough as a person who thrives on communication and lay down the exterior wall of 'busy-ness' or whatever they are using as a shield to avoid answering your questions, and be able to have an open and honest and committed conversation with you. You deserve it.
ReplyDeleteThank you my friend for that last part. Appreciate it. And no, I would not accuse you of doing this. Looking forward to more therapy soon!
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